Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
