when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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