I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
