mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
