I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
