Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
