Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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