so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
