Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
vagina is talking i cant
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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