saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
