Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
