I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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