im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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