I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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