You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
