i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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