A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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