he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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