If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Even my vagina gasped.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
