Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
