Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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