I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
