Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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