I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
