I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
