I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.