I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
