My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?