I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.