i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
