i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
