i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
