So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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