your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
