she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's the barista slut.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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