am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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