you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
