Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
