i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
