Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
