I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
