the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
