did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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