Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
