this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
