Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
