i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
