oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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