Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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