take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
