11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
