does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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