Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
