I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often