Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms