hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.