oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.