I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow