I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism