i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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