If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize