True but thats because hes a fetus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
