A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
