I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
