my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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