I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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