He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
