just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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