my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
