I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
