so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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