Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Text me some of your sweat
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