Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
