took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
