whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
