those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
