Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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