If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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