Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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