He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
