Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
