How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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