we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
