I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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