i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
