What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home