did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
