I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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