My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He better not be in your backpack
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
