I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
