That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
