This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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