You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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