he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
