We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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