I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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