I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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